You know that all-encompassing “they” that direct and control your life course, your choices, your happiness?
The “they” in “what will they say?” or “what will they think?”
But, they don’t live your life, do they?
Then why should their opinion matter as much as they do, or at all?
‘Cause, the reality is this:
If you spent your entire life aiming to please “they”, you still could not accomplish the feat. “They” have an insatiable/unquenchable appetite of opinions that you will never satisfy.
So … how do you get around these notoriously-negative-opinionated “they”?
First, with knowing you are uniquely you.
The path you take will be influenced by what is intrinsically you—your internal compass.
Second, love and trust yourself and your judgment.
Operate from that intuitive knowledge about who you are (starting with you’re a child of the Most High God) and what you really desire, then live by those terms.
And to top it off, add a good dose of perspective on the opinions of “they” and …
Dress—for you
Post that selfie—for you
Do that workout—for you
You get the picture, right?
Do you, not “they”, ‘cause only you have to live with the consequences of your decisions.
Doing something a little different this week. No poetry. No prose. Instead I’ll be posting a series of snappy one-liners that are as good as a mouthful like:
Without soul care you’ll not be at home in your own heart.
Stay single till you meet the person who makes you smile from within and it escapes with such intensity it up-curls your lips from ear to ear, makes your cheeks go numb and your eyes light up
Stay single till you meet the one who proves himself worthy of you, who prioritizes you, amidst the busyness of life he makes time to see you— no lame ass excuses of “just because…” and “I was gonna but…”
Wait for the one whose touch ignites your senses, makes your knees buckle weak and your heart skip beats and your stomach butterfly-flutters, wait for the one who moves you
Stay single till you meet the one who’ll do anything for you— like walk a tight rope 50 feet above ground— because he knew you’d not ask if you didn’t need him to and because he knew you knew he’d be safe to do for you
Stay single till you meet someone who accepts you, not wanting to change the you that you are but who celebrates the essence of you, accepting you in all your quirkinesses and flawsomeness, someone who loves you for you
Wait for someone who is proud of you, celebrates your accomplishments as if they’re his own— your own personal membership to a one-on-one cheerleading squad, wait for the one who’s “got you”
Stay single till you find the person who makes you want to be a better you, who’s worthy to fight for and to fight with ‘cause—face it— love and life will derail fantasies of “happily ever after”, you’ll need someone who’s battle ready
Stay single till your desire to be booed-up is not from a place of brokenness, lack or desperation, but from a healed place, from a place of trust, love and vulnerability
Wait for someone whose words and actions go hand-in-hand; who will say what they mean and do what they say, wait for the one who is intentional about you
Stay single till the one who is for you finds you, and you know you have been found
To the woman I’m becoming, I commit To shed the past, each dark forgotten bit In every shadow where old fears might hide I rise anew—embracing joy and pride
I vow to leave behind what’s dim and worn To blossom forth, like roses from the thorn No remnants of the past will hold me back For I am bound for light, no shade, no lack
I affirm to let go of what’s untrue To craft my soul in colors bold and new No longer will I wear the cloak of doubt Instead, I’ll dance with faith and sing and shout
From ashes of the old I will arise Like phoenix soaring to the open skies With self-love as my guide my heart will shine Evolving into the woman being transformed by the Divine
To the woman I’m becoming, here’s my vow: I honor who she was, and who she is now In every step—with courage, and cheer I love myself in all stages, holding God’s vision dear
Transformation—a thorough or dramatic change in form or appearance.
One of the most difficult things to transform is the way we think and especially what we think of ourselves. Coming to this realization is the moment I understood self-transformation to be self–sacrificing in that it’s totally dependent on my choice to surrender any form of myself that stands in the way of my transformation.
Self-transformation is hard work that requires a reset of the mind and a regulation of self-speaking language. And, even as we’re growing in this transformation, old labels will stick around. There are times we’ll straddle the fence of who we are transforming to be and the “who” that was. Unintentionally we’ll hold on to the labels.
Many of us have incorrectly taken on labels as our names. Maybe we have been labeled “loser” or “dropout” or a “nobody.” Maybe we’ve labeled ourselves “unattractive” or “overweight.” However, when we adhere to a selfish-determination of transformation, this will silence every voice that aims to divert us from living out of something new.
Embracing this process requires a determined surrender to completely die to any form of you that would prevent you from transforming to the woman or man you’re becoming.
Believe you can and you’re half way there!Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there’s something inside greater than any obstacles. Believe.
The week is long. The weekend is short. Midweek is a good point to recharge to get over the hump believing in yourself! Happy hump day!
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One of the benefits of writing is that words live on in perpetuity and can be revisited.
This week was very trying for me with some heavy emotional moments on issues that will deeply impact my future. By the end of the week I was emotionally spent. The week also concluded a month of intense immersive learning in a “new land” as I’m trying to improve my competency in Spanish. As I sat in tears (literally) before my teacher feeling utterly bewildered that I hadn’t learned enough, she hugged and calmly reminded me that I need not worry but to find peace, God’s peace.
As I do when my emotions/mind run higher than my body can cope—I slept. Twelve hours later I’m rejuvenated (because I was also extremely tired) and I reflected on the day. I heard my teacher’s voice—I need God’s peace. So I returned to my own words: Jehovah Shalom that I’m re-sharing here. Maybe you too need to be reminded that God’s peace is FULL & COMPLETE peace!
Shabbat Shalom!
The name of the LORD is a fortified tower; the righteous run to it and are safe (Proverbs 18:10). While we are climbing our way out of this current …
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Heart-eyes covered in love not seeing Lies sweetly wrapped in roses masking Revelation in actions there’s no denying Supple flesh like petals up-curling Heart breaks like cardiac arresting Chambers swirl blood fast pumping Soul from soul separate disconnecting Emotions escape like petals free-falling
Life You’ve thrown the yin-and-yang Of tears and laughter Of sorrow and joy Of downs and ups Of heartbreak and heart-whole Of sickness and health
Through it all you revealed to me My strength My vulnerability My resilience My truth My authenticity My bounce-back-ability
Trade, I would not, your offerings Accept, I have, your givings Prepared, I am, to live life wholeheartedly Accepting all there is to living In such a time as NOW
I’d really appreciate if you’d head on over to Spillwords (by clicking on the poem title above) and show me/my art some love with a like and also share your comments. This is my first piece on Spillwords so hurry, head on over and let me feel your love there as well. Thanks.
In creative solidarity 🙏🏽 Dee 🎉
Many thanks to Dagmara K., Director of Development, Editing Department and the entire team at Spillwords for selecting this piece!
For this Christmas Shabbat Shalom post, I’d like to talk a bit about “present”, but not the present that’s probably sitting under your tree.
We all know being human is complicated. There’s so much to navigate in living a holistic life. Bad things (and good things too) happen to all of us. Not one of us is exempt or immune. What makes all the difference isn’t what happens in our lives—‘cause face it, life happens with or without us—rather, it’s how we perceive and deal with what happens.
Often times the advice we get to address the “bad things” is to make peace with our past. And yes that is critically important to living holistically. However, it is equally essential to make peace with our present. We don’t hear that too often, do we?
Personally, when my present is working well, I find that the past is so much easier to confront and even to put behind me.
This however is not at all to say we won’t have setbacks, right?
Look, we’re humans. We all get triggered by powerful old feelings. What we can do in response is to reach for tools that can help us to successfully manage and deal with negative emotions. And most importantly, to not fall back to old scripts. I know, easier said than done.
The holidays are especially big triggers. So, I’d like to share a three-part tool recommended by David, the Psalmist, and I know it’s been successfully tested and tried by many many followers of Christ and of the Bible.
Before David recommended this tool, however, he first referenced the consequences of past behaviors like feelings of shame and guilt. And he did so only as an acknowledgment because with the next breath his admonition was to take action:
…commune with your own heart on your bed and be still”.
The first part of the tool: acknowledge (not ruminate) negative emotions.
It’s human. It’s all part of the journey. We make mistakes or we are the byproducts of other’s mistakes. We feel guilty, ashamed etc. Acknowledging is the first step to making peace with our present.
The second part of the tool: self-forgiveness.
To commune with your own heart is the process of separating who you are from the mistakes you’ve made. It’s an introspective examination done in a safe space. I think David deliberately said “on your bed” because
“True confession consists of telling our deed in such a way that our soul is changed in the telling of it.”
—Maude Petre (English Nun)
And where is the best place to have this level of confession than in an intimate space where you feel safe (like bed). Bed could be your literal bed, or the place from where you commune with God, or the sofa of a therapist if you choose that route. Wherever you choose it should be a space where you can feel safe to go through the process of forgiving yourself.
The third part of the tool: be still.
I think David’s “be still” call is to be present. To know that at every moment we are each doing the best we can based on the beliefs and knowledge we have at that moment. And, to enjoy the present.
And, also to be in a state of decisive intention to connect to the Power that is greater than us. To make a conscious decision to remove or modify external forces in full surrender to the Omnipresence of God in order to be ‘at-one-ment’ with Him.
External forces—even family, friends and jobs and emotions such as fear, doubt, anger or worry—these all impede our ability to be still. So you may want to take time away, for in the noise of it all we cannot hear the voice of God. Some people actually choose intentional and dedicated fasting and praying time for just this purpose.
Making peace with the present means being present.
And being present means we cannot only create new understandings of our world but we can also write new scripts to tell our life experiences in ways that don’t keep us stuck in “the story”.
Being present also means that we are better able to hear God. For when we listen right enough we hear God speak.
Listening right enough is necessary because God is not a firestorm-, hurricane- or earthquake-speaking God. No. He’s the God of stillness. He’s the God of voice. And His voice is precisely like ours so we can actually recognize when He speaks, just like Elijah did.
That Elijah-be-still-and-hear-God encounter is too well aligned to the purpose of this post for me not to include it in closing.
Here is God speaking directly to Elijah:
… Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord. And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake:
And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.
And it was so, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entering in of the cave. And behold, there came a voice unto him and said, What doest thou here, Elijah?
Now, is it possible that God is seeking to have a be-still moment with you and also asking you: “what doest thou here?”
Shabbat Shalom! May you find peace in not living in “the story”—the way things should have been—but rather seeking to reconcile those experiences so you may live in the truth of who you are and to be at peace with your present. And may your response to God’s still-small-voice callout, “what doest thou here?”, be: “I’m waiting for you, God, for restoration in the present of now”.
She recalled her dead mamma’s words: “Child, if you run from something you’ll run from everything. There are some things you gotta fight for. Some battles God fight for you and others He fights through you”. Her mamma’s words—palpable and empowering—stayed on replay till she found her fighting strength. Emboldened.
Bags packed in waiting Drunken footsteps approaching Today is goodbye
Today is pay day. The ritual has been the same. This started in May. May 15th to be exact. She remembers it, and each episode thereafter, as vivid as it was yesterday though it’s been three years, two months, one week, 14 days. Yes, she’s been keeping track of pay day ‘cause that’s when it happens. Today she stood. Today she fought. Today she left. Today the ritual ended.
Before-word: There’s a difference between accepting someone with and in spite of their faults and accepting their bad attitude or abusive behavior. Love is meek but in its quiet-gentle-submissive nature there is NO room for abuse.
Loving you
Accepting you
All of you completely
In your quirkiness, your shortcomings, your flaws and all
Leaves no room for
Abuse with words or actions
In love there is meekness, kindness, gentleness, patience and there’s even forgiveness
You may only look at the dark pigmentation of my skin You may only look at the full contours of my lips You may only look at the rounded fatness of my nose You may only look at whatever creative way I choose to wear my hair today Nubian curls, afro, braids or just that low flow
You don’t see ME ME in all my diversity
See the person that I am Not the person you perceive this skin color to represent Check the fake smiles and the hypocritical relations Drop the derogative names and the questioning gaze End criminalization and discrimination See beyond See the person that I am Yes, I am black There’s more to me than the color of my skin
He didn’t change She fell in love With the him he wanted her to see To steal what she would not give an imposter Egregious mistake unmasked Her love knows not this man she sees
Sheryl hosts Your Daily Word Prompt. Today’s word is egregious. I published this piece in my 1st week as a blogger (Oct 4) but bringing it back because it fits so well for today’s prompt.
A collection of writing by Dominic Riccitello — intimate conversations, personal essays, and poetic reflections on relationships, loss, and self-discovery.
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